Oct 6 - Parenting a Preemie
Story submitted Monday, August 3, 2009 – 12:48
Parenting a Preemie
By Jenny and David Williams
I still remember getting the call. It was almost 5 PM on a Friday afternoon in March. Our Act of Love social worker was telling me that a baby boy had just been born in North Carolina at 26 weeks gestation. She said that Dave and I should take the weekend and talk it over. I told her we would. Then I hung up the phone, put my head down on my desk and cried. I knew right then that that baby was meant to be ours.
Once at home that evening, we spoke to a pediatrician to learn more about parenting a preemie. He explained that there could be a lot of serious health problems, and that there might be years of doctors visits and surgeries, depending on the situation. He said we really needed to think about it before saying yes.
I had been waiting for Dave to get home from work. I said a quick prayer, “Please God, even if we don’t get this child, please let him be ok.” Then the name “Joshua” popped into my head. It’s not a name Dave and I had ever discussed but when I told Dave, he said that was the name we were going with – he’s learned to trust my gut instinct!
Dave and I talked about Joshua for the rest of the weekend. At one point Dave had said to me, “No offense, Jen, but you were born premature forty odd years ago and you turned out alright. Technology nowadays is much more advanced so maybe it wouldn’t be that bad.” But it was scary. We never had kids before and were nervous enough about that. Would we be qualified enough to care for a premature baby? It was a big responsibility. What if something bad happened? Could we go through more sorrow with a child?
At the end of the weekend, we had finally made our decision. We were on our way to North Carolina to become parents!
When we arrived at the hospital, a social worker brought us up to the NICU where we finally got to meet our son, Joshua, and our lives changed forever.
He was a perfect child. He was beautiful and very tiny. He weighed two pounds, five ounces when he was born.
What we thought would be two weeks in the NICU, turned into two months. We had no idea what to expect or how serious the situation was, but the nurses and doctors helped us get through each day, step-by-step. I remember one of them saying to watch the baby not the monitor. We thought that we’d never be able to do that. But sure enough, being there day after day, it happened. We knew when Josh had a problem before the monitor did. I can’t say that it was an easy time in the NICU, but Josh just had the “usual” preemie problems such as being on a ventilator and having a feeding tube, nothing out of the ordinary.
It was tough for us, being so far away from home and not knowing anyone, but we were quickly made to feel like family. Everyone in the NICU knew our story and they thought it was terrific.
I learned a lot there. Terms like CPAP, nasal cannula and feeding tube became part of my everyday language. I learned what each different beep of the monitor meant. I also learned how to take care of my baby, how to feed him when he was finally ready for a bottle, how to bathe him, and how to dress him when he was connected to wires and tubes.
Eventually, Dave went back to work during the week, making visits to North Carolina on the weekends. Every morning I would call the hospital to find out how many grams Josh had gained or lost during the night and if he had had any problems. Then I’d call Dave to give him an update, and return to the hospital where I would hold Josh for six to eight hours.
When it was finally time to go, it was actually quite hard. We were nervous about caring for a premature child (what if we did something wrong?) and we were sad about leaving behind the people at the hospital who had become our family for the last eight weeks.
But it was time to go, and on the Thursday before Mother’s Day, we were home!
Having Joshua home was scary at times. It seemed we were always worrying about his breathing and constantly looking in on him to make sure he was okay. We kept him indoors the whole month of May and half of June until we got clearance from the doctor to bring him out. Again, we were really lucky that Joshua had no serious health problems so we only had the usual doctor visits.
We feel our only real challenge was around Josh’s development. We were told from the beginning that he could be further behind than other kids his age. Due to his prematurity, he was eligible for Early Intervention Services. A physical therapist came to our home every week to help Joshua with his gross motor skills such as rolling over, crawling and walking.
Since Josh is doing so well in that area now, she only comes once a month. Currently he has a developmental specialist who comes once a week and works on speech and overall development through play. Josh also attends a toddler group at the Early Intervention center once a week where he can socialize and play with other children his age.
Even though Josh does have some delays, he is doing great. He rolled over for the first time when he was eleven months old, he started crawling when he was fifteen months old and he took his first step at eighteen months. He is now talking and can point out certain items when asked. Some may say he’s behind, but we are so proud of his accomplishments.
People may wonder if it is different being the parent of a premature baby versus a full term one. Yes, I think so. Even though Josh didn’t have any major health problems, we have to always be on guard – keep him away from anyone who is sick, worry about his breathing or whether he’s getting a cold. But maybe all parents have some of these concerns. I just know that with a whole lot of love and care, you can get through anything. I think that certainly helped with us. As the song goes in one of Josh’s favorite shows, Clifford The Big Red Dog Puppy Days, “Love makes little things grow.” It certainly does!!